Plastic Bertrand lyrics

My French is appalling, and I wouldn't even begin to attempt to transcribe most of Plastic's delightful mewlings. But here are three songs that have been transcribed by others ... All translations are my fault - feel free to correct me where I've got it hilariously wrong ...

Ca Plane Pour Moi

Well, there isn't a literal translation for "Ca plane pour moi" (but see below) - the closest is probably "This glides for me", with its intimations of getting high. I've settled on "This works for me", although it could equally well be "All's well for me", "This world's for me", "Its working for me", "Being high works for me", "This life's for me" or just "I'm on a roll". You get the general idea. He's happy about his life. Possibly in an ironic way. ("Tough shit for me"?)

There is a theory that the lyrics to Ca Plane ... can't be translated into English. While it's true that the French slang used makes little sense if translated literally, it is possible to get the general sense. A basic attempt, from Google via my rusty schoolboy French, is given below. I've also made use of a Usenet translation, from a French chap who seems to have a better grasp of the vernacular than me. If anyone with a knowledge of French slang cares to correct me, I'd love to know!

And how do you transcribe the screech in the chorus? "Oooo-weee-oooo"? "Oooo-oo-ooo-ooo"? "Hou-hou-hou-hou&"? "Ouh-ouh-ouh-ouh"? "Weee-ooo-wee-oh"? Oh, how I've wrestled with that one ...

* "J'ai eu un flash" could also be translated as "I had a trip". Which seems to make sense. (Thanks to Adrian Reynolds.)

** Most sources agree on "en quatre couleurs", but "En GAF couleur" has been suggested, referring to the photographic film manufacturer. A video of Plastic singing (miming) has him holding up four fingers at this point, which seems to settle it. (Thanks to Bryan Dongray and James Wilkinson.)

*** Chick = babe/girl, as in "are you looking at my bird?" Hmm ... not convinced about that last verse about the chick going away ... I assume it's full of a lot of slang! And I take it that to be "sent" on the doormat is in the sense of something rather more carnal ... Let's just say that the above was a loose, literal translation, if there can be such a thing. But you get the jist.

**** "Ou que l'alcool me manquera" or "et que la colle me manquera"? Is he running out of alcohol or coming unstuck? You decide. Stop press: a late entry for "et que la gueule me manquera" = "and my big mouth will fail me". Could be ... (Thanks to Tom Spruit.)

Some years back Record Mirror published a translation of the lyrics, which turn out to be reassuringly close to the those above, if not closer to any real sense. There are a few alternative translations out there, some literal, some insane. Take your pick. And see the french lyrics animated on Youtube by Nick Atvull, who's clearly got too much time on his hands.

The Play the Records blog gives the first verse as "Wham! Bam! Someone poured whiskey on my cat, Splash and lit him / He went "boof" while he was on my bed". Which makes some weird kind of sense, I suppose! Some interesting background to the Motello connection as well on that blog.

With thanks to Bryan Dongray, Bertrand Laurence, James Wilkinson, David Meyer, Meg Heise, Dan Craggs, David Broadway, Adrian Reynolds, Tom Spruit and Erin M. Keep those alternative translations coming! Post a comment

And now, a more authorative version from a professional, Johnathon Finlay ...

As luck would have it, I'm a French to English translator, so I thought I'd give the text the once-over... I just did the verses ...

Wham bam, my cat Splash
is rolling around on my bed. He swallowed
his tongue as he drank all my whisky
As for me, I've hardly slept, I feel empty and reprimanded
I had to sleep in the gutter,
where I had a flash of inspiration
In four colours (thus a multi-coloured flash of inspiration)

Ok let's go, one morning
A babe came round to my house
She looked like a cellophane doll with a Chinese hairstyle
She was wearing a plaster and had a hangover
She drank my beer in a large rubber glass
Just like an Indian might do in his igloo

It's all working out for me ...

Ok let's go, that babe was such a bitch
What a vibration
Coming on the doormat
Filed down, ruined, empty, but happy
You are the King of the Divan
She says to me in passing (while coming??)
I am the King of the Divan

Ok let's go, mind your own, keep your nose out
Don't harm my planet
Today's not the day the sky will fall down around my ears
Or that I will have to go without a drink
It's all working out for me ...

Ok let's go, my baby upped and left
She walked out on me, it's a shitty situation
She broke everything: the sink, the bar
And she left me all alone
Like a total jerk
Stuck here faced with the aftermath (i.e. God I have to clearn this up now)

So to me it sounds like Plastic is a borderline alcoholic with a cat who swallowed its own tongue as he rolled around drunk in the gutter having inspirations ...

It would appear that the first verse occurs the day after the events related in the following verses, hence why he is rolling around in the gutter (with the depression of it all he got blind drunk) Perhaps the flash of inspiration was to write the song ...

He then relates a story, which is probably why he says "Allez hop", OK let's go, let's do this. I'll tell you the shit that just happened to me. The girl came round, she was hawt, and they got in on, I presume everywhere, since they also did it on the doormat (classy!) Plastic was ace at sex, since she complimented him (s'envoyer is slang for to have it off, normally you say "s'envoyer en l'air").

Perhaps someone came and told them to shut up as they romped sexually in a loud manner, as he then tells whoever to mind their own business. And says he plans on staying pissed - "It's not today" is a literal translation from the French idiom "C'est pas aujourd'hui" which is roughly "It will be a long time til".

L'alcool me manquera - I will be needing alcohol. La colle me manquera - I will miss (i.e. fondly) detention in school. I think it's the former given the other lyrics.

"Touche pas ma planete" is an ecology slogan, ie. stop polluting our world, but it could indeed mean Plastic is totally spaced out. I'm thinking "Don't rock my world".

In the last verse, once they've had sex, the girl leaves, after going a bit berserk, breaking stuff.The nuance here is that if someone "casse tout" ie breaks everything, this could also be taken figuratively to mean that they have shattered your dreams of a nice day/life together/ etc.

Les pieds dans le plat means you've put your foot in it, or you're going to have to face the music. Here it is a fun reference to the sink, since it means literally "my feet on the plate". Which if she broke the sink and there are plates all over the floor, and Plastic is completely off it, is quite plausible.

Anyway. The mystery demystified. Do let me know what you think! That was a fun exercise!
:o) Johnathon Finlay

Update: Bertrand Laurence has the following, very plausible, explanation for the origins of the expression "Ça plane pour moi".

I came in Boston USA in 79 from France. Some folks thought I was "Plastic". Since I was kind of an "Artsy Wild" new waver, French, into performance art and my name was and is Bertrand. The first time I heard that tune was in a punk/New wawe fashion boutique on Newbury street called High Society (Designer Eddie Kent where are you?) I think I have the best shot at explaining the title than anyone I know, having grown up in France and being of the same generation as Plastic.

In the 70's a radio station (France Inter ou Radio Luxembourg) had a cool show called "Je roule pour vous" (I drive for you). It aim was to link and match drivers (cars and specially cross Europe truck drivers) with hitch-hikers. Hikers and truckers would call in the station and meeting spots and times were chosen. These were the golden days of hitch hiking. It was a very hip pop show, with good music, and "Je roule pour vous" was somewhat of a pop icon.

Now "plane" means gliding, as in having your head in the cloud, being a dreamer, an artist, or immature. (I have heard that one countless times: "bertrand, Il plane!") It quickly got used also as a reference to being high.

I do believe the unique "ça plane pour moi" is a mashed up of these 2 expressions. Literally "It is gliding for me" meaning "being high works for me."

Bambino

The French lyrics were taken from the excellent Bide et Musique. Also at ABC de la Chanson Francophone. As it was originally a hit for Dalido in the 50s, these words make a lot more sense, so they're easier to translate!

Le Petit Tortillard

Also from from Bide et Musique. I haven't done much work on the translation, so make of it what you will. Basically it's about a small local train. Hmm. And look, it goes "wooo wooo". Not sure how a train can dance the pogo. Dodgy suspension, perhaps?

Siderodromophobia = fear of railways! La Madone de Sleepings was a book by Maurice Dekobra, a story of prostitution and romance on a French night sleeper. (It was filmed in 1928 and 1955 if you're really interested!)

Apparently Plastic also recorded a version for RTL in which he replaced "Saint Lazare" with "Rue Bayard" - this being RTL's address. Fancy.

Wha! Wha!

Naif Song

There's also a similar verse about being a butterfly. Oh, and some rancid sweat.

Pogo Pogo

Don't have all the lyrics to this, but the opening lines of Elton Motello's version go:

Bide et Musique have plenty of other Plastic lyrics, and discussions about them, but I'm only looking at the An1 tracks here. Oh, I'm so picky.